Comrade Conrad

The only question for us has ever been, will Conrad Black come licking at the feet of the Canadian government and beg for his citizenship, which did not seem too important when the prospect of a peerage in Great Whiner Britain came knocking.

Should he prostrate himself at the feet of Her Majesty's government, he will, of course, be welcomed back into the fold, to protect the sanctity of the Crown and to deprive the perfidous Americans of this one-sided, idiotic, completely Nazi, worthy of eternal terrorist extermination verdict, hand delivered as retaliation for quitting the illegal war America is waging on democracy and freedom everywhere it rears its proud head.

America is evil, and we clap for every blow against this beast, however it comes, in every conceivable way shape and form. An American death, while common and mundane, is a good death, in that an American has died.

But Conrad Black, universally hated as he is by the Canadian people, would only condemn himself to status of "afraid of America," which is worse than "child molester," which is only worse in qualitative consideration than "Daniel Hoffmann-Gill-ish," and is therefore the worst thing a Canadian can be called.

As such, and since I fucked Eva Jane numerous times, and killed Michael, whoever the hell he was, may he rot in the hell I created for him, we call upon Conrad Black to deprive the Americans of their piece of shit verdict, and at the same time to spare Her Majesty's reputation, by immediately committing ritual suicide.

When Mr. Black does this, and we expect that within twenty-four hours he will take the noble, if not fucking noble, way to the end of his treachery, we will do the very best we can for his reputation, and simply erase it from history, sparing his name everything it deserves.