Let's Talk

Hello, you're on the air with El. Col. Dr. Tonight's discussion: Daniel Hoffmann-Gill--overly sensitive whiner or pushy hypocrite? Let's go to the phones.

On the line we have Ethel from Omaha. You're on, Ethel.

"Hi, Col. Dr., love you, love your show. Let me first say that, as an American, I am evil. And I want to know just who the hell Daniel thinks he is telling you to stop parodying his sellout self while he remains unapologetic about suddenly turning against you and everything good and pure in the world."

Exactly, Ethel. Next, we go to Miami, and we have William on the phone.

"Hi, Col. Dr, long time listener, first time caller. I'm American, and as such am a murderer and deserve to die. I want to know what crawled up your pretentious ex-friend's ass that he's acting like a prima dona British cocksucker who doesn't know where he came from."

Exactly. Next.

"Hi, this is whoever from wherever. Daniel Hofmann-Gill is only alleviating his hypocritical conscience by pretending that he extended you an olive branch, when in reality what he did was a form of assault. And all Americans should die."

Exactly. Anyone else?

"Just me, Col. Dr., and I want to know what you would say to Daniel Hoffman-Gill if he were reading this right now."

Oh, that's easy. I'd wish him all the best in his new career as an American mouthpiece.

Now, on to something more interesting. Like dirt mites. Fascinating creatures, cleaner than anyone from Scotland OR Nottingham, and STILL cause major diseases in the weak and needy.

Well, that's all the time we have. Until next time, when about seven more Canadians will have been killed protecting America's heroin from the Taliban, this is Col. Dr., and you are slightly less stupid than you were fifteen minutes ago.

Secret bonus materials available only on DVD: I'm Dan, motherfucker.